Snapchat Education

“Facebook is for old people now Mom!” And so the wheel of social media turns, turns, turns. Chances are if your child is in middle school or junior high, they are entering the arena of social media at full force.

I have a little age span with my children. My oldest who is a senior in high school is well-versed in Snapchat as well as my sophomore. My fourteen year old son could care less because he feels like that is just one more way for girls to annoy him (he broke up with his last little girlfriend because she was constantly texting him). My middle, I must confess, started using the app without my knowledge and I panicked because I really had very little grasp on the app.

I sat down with my almost eighteen year old to learn how to work the app myself. Frankly, even after my coaching lesson, I find it confusing. It requires multi-tasking finger dexterity well beyond my mom-speed.

The basics of Snapchat, in case you are out of the loop, I find a little ironic. The creator, Evan Spiegel intended to create a service that gave more privacy than Facebook or Instagram for photo sharing between friends. Guess what this means? It is harder for you as a parent to monitor what your children are sharing. Sure you can demand they allow you to follow them, but they will still have the ability to send photos to their friends and those will almost certainly not include you Mom and Dad.

The Snapchat app is not intended for users under the age of 13. If you go to download it in the ITunes store, it is rated 12+, so you can actually use your ITunes downloading restrictions to keep your younger child from downloading the app to their device. However, all the child has to do is put in a different year of birth and ta da, if you have no ITunes restrictions–they have just obtained Snapchat. There is actually a SnapKidz app designed by Snapchat for younger kids. This allows them to take pictures, add drawings and captions but they cannot add friends or message the photos or videos anywhere. You can let them have this as an alternative, but chances are not having the ability to send (which is probably why they wanted it in the first place) will not pacify their requests.

Snapchat allows users to send photos or short videos that “self-destruct” after a time period from being viewed, generally ten seconds. You have to hold down on the photo or video to view it. This often gives kids a false sense of security. The “self-destruct” only removes the picture from the Snapchat app, but both Android and iPhone allow users to screen shot a photograph, so there is absolutely no chance of these pictures always being one and done. Snapchat tried to include a feature that alerts the sender if their “snap” was screen shot, but according to my daughter that is a hit or miss notification.

Users are able to create groups of approved followers to view a certain photo/video or they can create a Snapchat story that is visible to all their followers. Users should always set their privacy settings so that ONLY people they know can send them images so it is not exactly wide open to the public. This is found under settings. Change the option from “everyone” to “my friends.” I have found that unlike Instagram, at least with my crew, they really only interact with their friends on Snapchat. They can snap a picture of their food, make a silly face and draw on it before sending, or update their squad on their current activities.

Here is what you absolutely need to know about Snapchat if you are a user or a parent:

Friends ONLY

This absolutely has to be a discussion between pre/teens and parents. Limit your pictures to friends that you trust. I also think it is extremely important to understand that preteen and teenage friendships are like rear view mirrors and not always what they appear to be. A friend today can easily be an enemy tomorrow. The safest thing you can do is limit your posts to your closest friends. You need to trust but verify this often with your kids. Sit down with them and ask them to show you their Snapchat in the least threatening way possible so you can use this to engage in conversation.

Watch What You Send

As with any post you make on the internet, even if you decide to go back and delete it at a later date, there is a chance it is still out there. It can be tempting to think you can send that risky picture to your boyfriend or even use a photo to poke fun at someone you do not like, but those can come back to haunt you down the road. Stay classy!

It’s Your Future

Colleges and employers are spending more time singling out candidates by viewing their online activities. If having your boss, college admissions representative, or grandmother view the photo would make you embarrassed then just DO NOT SEND IT. You may find it hard to snag that summer job at the clothing store doing customer service, if there is a photograph of you out there trying to be funny and flipping someone the proverbial bird. Hard to say you work well with others, if this is the image you either intentionally or unintentionally put out to the world.

Block Users

There is ability in Snapchat to block someone from sending you messages. If someone bullies you or your child, use the privacy settings and stop the ability of them to send you messages. Snapchat actually alerts the sender when their snap has been viewed. If you block a bully and never view their snap hopefully they will lose their steam in trying to attack this way. Ignore their advances. To do this find their name in your list of friends, click and hold the name and it will bring up icons. The settings icon looks like a gear you click that and hit block. That “friend” can no longer send you photos or videos.

As with all social media use, you absolutely have to have ongoing conversations with your growing tweens and teens about internet safety. Constantly discuss the possible consequences of oversharing which can be very real and have very long lasting impact. If you want to stay in the know, there is a great website for parents www.bewebsmart.com that provides a wealth of information for navigating social media apps with your children. Talk now and talk often.

Secret Cyber Apps Hide Texts and Photos from Parents

I had a post all set to go this morning, when a report on Good Morning America caught my attention that I felt I just had to share with you guys.

Technology is close to my heart. With one child almost 17 and another literally weeks away from being 13, we are smack in the middle of iPads, smartphones, Netflix, DVR, and all things that are on the cusp of being uncontrollable. I don’t want to come across as Big Brother, but let’s be honest: I’m watching. And I’m just this side of paranoid.

Did you know that apps exist that enable users to conceal texts, pictures, and videos from the nosey eyes of their parents? This KILLS me. In a perfect world, software developers wouldn’t be out there trying to make a buck by undermining and circumventing the hard work parents are doing with their kids.

Unfortunately the world we live in is far from perfect.

The apps can look completely innocent, and are protected with passcodes your children set up. One such app is a calculator app, and functions as such, until the user keys in a particular sequence of numbers chosen by the purchaser, plus the percent sign. This unlocks access to a folder of secret photos and texts.

The potential for harm is obvious. “The problem with these apps is they allow kids to hide their cyber-lives from their parents,” Dan Tynan, editor-in-chief of Yahoo Tech Magazine said, “and sometimes the things they are hiding can harm them.”

So what’s a parent to do?

First, have a conversation with your child about phone and tech privilege before you ever entrust it to him/her. Set the ground rules so the question of trust versus “you don’t trust me!” just doesn’t become an issue. When we gave phones to our kids, we did so with the understanding that we could take them at any time, for any random reason or no reason at all, just to read their texts and look at their content. It was for their protection.

Second, turn off your child’s ability to install new apps on their phone or iPad without your approval.

Third, if they mess up, the phone is gone. Period.

Fourth, to specifically address the secret app quandary, go to the App Store on your child’s phone, and then the Search function. Type in a phrase such as “private photos” or “secret photos.” This will yield a plethora of results. Scroll through them. If you see the word “OPEN” beside any of these results, this means the app is already installed on your child’s phone. Remove the app and have a discussion with your child.

I think the thing to keep in mind in all of this is that we are the parent, and as crazy as everything gets sometimes, that’s the bottom line. We have the right and the responsibility to give our kids these great privileges, but also to educate them, and to take the tech away when it is used irresponsibly.

The Ultimate Guide to Manners for Tweens

© Can Stock Photo Inc. / artofphoto

I was thinking about writing this post after I watched a popular Teen Disney channel show with my eleven year old and I noticed not one of these “role model” preteens used any manners. Then I stopped to think–who am I to tell people about manners? My kids still hear, “Stop tipping your freaking chair” almost every evening at dinner. 

The tween world is evolving with things like social media access in all its sometimes crass glory. More than ever we should step up and expand our manners game with our children, myself included! 

I think when our children are toddlers; we do a much better job at encouraging manners consistently. Then the busy schedules of preteen life takes hold and we tend to have less focused time for teaching manners. If you are at all like me, sometimes I fall victim to assuming my children know better—guess what? They don’t!

Preteens are now starting to go to friend’s houses and sleep over parties more regularly at this age. I have always been a believer that I would rather my kids behave beautifully for everyone else and save their sassy casualness for home. 

Remember, what seems obvious to you as the parent, aunt, uncle or grandparent; may not be to preteens. I would also say, remember lead by example and be a good role model when it comes to exercising politeness. Even though they are getting embarrassed by hugs in front of friends at this age, they still emulate you. 

I decided to pull together a list of all things manners as a bush up guide but focused on tweenagers. Ready? Here goes:

1. Using “Yes Ma’am, No Ma’am, Yes Sir, No Sir”

             Maybe this seems a little formal for your parenting style but trust me; it is amazing to hear it from a child’s mouth. I live down south, and this one is the norm here and it is awesome!

2. Holding Open Doors

Source Twitter @DanDaley

 

             I really focus this one more on my son, as a gentleman rule of “girls do not open doors,” but I also encourage this simple politeness with my daughters. If you want through a door, check behind and make sure if you can hold it open for the person behind you that you do. If you are standing next to a door and see someone approaching, reach out and open the door.

3. If you need to walk in front of someone say, “Excuse me.”

4. Wait for people to exit an elevator before entering.

5. Letting people complete their sentences before interrupting and if interrupting is necessary, saying “Excuse me.”

6. The old “Please” and “Thank you”

7. Facebook/Instagram Etiquette

             When you are comfortable with letting your child enter the social media sites, consider teaching them about comments and post content. I like to tell mine, if you do not want your Grandmother to read it, you probably should not post it.

8. Texting Boundaries

 

            This really is not about content, hopefully you have covered that with your child. When it comes to manners, this is about appropriate times when it is okay to text and not okay. Texting during dinner time at the table, not okay; in the class room, not okay; in the checkout line, not okay.

9. Make eye contact when you enter a room.

10. Give up your seat.

11. Do not comment on other people’s physical appearance. If it is not a compliment, do not say it.

12. If someone asks you how you are, answer and respond back, then ask how they are.

13. If you have a sleepover or spent time at a friends house, thank his or her parents for letting you come over.

14. When an adult asks you to do a favor, do it without grumbling.

15. If a teacher or someone helps you, say “thank you.”

16. Don’t just sit there at meal time.

             You are older now and expected to pitch in or offer to pitch in. If you are sitting with adults, listen to the conversation and engage.

17. If it has a handle at the table, use the handle to pass.

Source Twitter @jeffydknight

 

18. Leave some for everyone else at the table.

19. Reaching vs. saying, “Please pass”

              Generally speaking, if it is beyond arms length or you have to stretch your arm in front of someone else or their plate, you should ask for the dish to be passed.

20. Retainers

             Do NOT take out your retainer at the table. As an aside from a mother who has replaced countless retainers wrapped in napkins; do not do this either!

21. Help clean up after meals. Do not leave your plate at the table.

22. If you do not like something offered at a meal, keep any commentary to yourself.

Now let’s all go show off our manners.

 

   

The Perils of Dating a Middle School Boy

Courtesy David Go from Flickr Creative Commons

And so it begins.

School has officially begun, and with it the whirlwind of boy-girl relationships. These perilous things take on a very different perspective when viewed through the middle grade boy’s eyes as opposed to the middle grade girl’s eyes…after only a couple of days my seventh grader Lawman has already provided me vast entertainment and some “oh-no-you-di-int” moments.

He came strutting through the door yesterday, grinning broadly. “It’s only the second day of school and I’m already getting girls’ numbers,” he announced. Right on cue, his phone dinged. Once, twice in succession.

I had to laugh. Girls, plural. Of course we grilled him.

He already had two numbers. Another girl (who had, of course, given him her number) was also getting her friend’s number for him. And there’s where it started getting a little dicey. Of one girl he said “you know, she’s really not all that hot, but her friend…whew. She’s like, shabam.”

Oh, my child. Are you really this shallow? Yes, because you are a middle school boy.

It’s all about the hair flip and the lip gloss right now, and perhaps a few other niceties, but I sense a repeat of a certain sixth grade situation, where Lawson found himself happily going steady with a cute girl. For a few weeks, all was copacetic. The shine quickly wore off, though, as the young lady and five of her friends texted him non-stop about nothing and everything.

One day he had had enough, and sent her a text (ah! communication!) that said eloquently, “this isn’t working for me. I’m tired of your texts all the time. I need my space. Bye.”

Obviously, he wasn’t too concerned with hurting her feelings, something I had a serious discussion with him about. On the plus side, he didn’t leave her in any doubt as to his own feelings—points for directness.

So. I shall keep you updated on what is sure to be the fascinating saga of Lawman’s Love Life this seventh grade year. Here’s to hoping I can instill a somewhat softer, more sensitive aspect in this kid before he grows up and gets married.